Comedy of Calls

In my last blog i mentioned that i've left HCL & Convergys. Both were awesome place to work and i've got some really good memories of both the places & some bad ones also but there are few instances which always leave a smile on my face when i think about them. These were usually the calls i took. In HCL i was in billing process & in Convergys i used to do troubleshooting on Dial up Internet services. The good thing about HCL was that we didn't have to use the alias name as we used to cater Britishers there and Britishers are more friendly compared to Americans who usually are little racist (some are exceptionally good and some really gets excited when they get to know that you are from the country on which Slumdog Millionaire has been made.... I still wonder why?????). As a result we had to speak to those not so smart dial up customers in a weird accent which even used to confuse me & I can understand what Americans must be going through when we try to copy their accent. It was very unlike HCL where we used to speak English in our Indian accent and they never had difficulty in understanding us. Now talking about calls some of them used to be very hilarious especially in convergys where I was doing troubleshooting on dial up Internet and Americans used to think that every problem they have with their computer is because of slow dial up and it used to be very difficult & immensely painful to make them understand that dial up is just for Internet and has nothing to do with the other functions of computer

Now before I gave you the the full conversation of one of the call, I'll tell you how a dialer works.
First we create a dial up network on the computer by providing access number, user-name & password and then just asks the customer to dial it. It dials the access number and then gives you a message that "Dial up is connected". Now the call of Agent Brian who used to be one of the smartest bloke on the floor & a very dear friend of mine.
Agent Brian-Thank you for choosing AT&T Internet services. My name is Brian & may I have the tel no you are calling about.
Customer(very Irate & in a heavy voice)- Just cut that crap Brian and listen to me very carefully. I am not talking about my telephone line and why is it that every time I call you people, you ask about my telephone number. What does it has to do with my fucking slow Dial up Internet which i've been using since last 5 years and its been a week i'm unable to connect to the Internet.
(Idiot don't even know that dial up is connected via his tel line)
Agent Brian-I'm very sorry for the inconvenience caused regarding your dial up but sir your dial up is connected through your tel line and in order to pull up your account I need your tel no.
Customer-yeaaahhh... Just take anything what you want but get my comp fixed & the no is 654123789 and one more thing-My name is Charles Brown not Sir
Agent Brian-Thank you so much Mr Brown. Now could you tell me what is the exact error message you are getting and did you made any changes in the the last week or before that.
Customer- No I didn't made any changes & neither am I getting any error message. However my son visited me last week and used something called wireless card to connect to the Internet and after that this dial up has been a big pain in the butt to connect to the Internet.
(Agent Brian realised that his smart son has removed the dial up as the default connection and left this irritating dumb oldie to screw our lives)
Agent Brian- Ohh.. Mr Brown that's not a problem at all and I see no reason that why you cannot connect to the Internet and could you tell me that when double click on the dial up connection and click dial what message does it gives you.
Customer- I've forgot that.. Let me do it right now. Its trying to dial the number and giving some screeching noise like ti ti ti ti tuu tuu tuu tuu and now its says that dial up is connected but I still can't see the Internet.
Agent Brian-Mr Brown, Could you please double click on Internet explorer on the computer.
Customer-Listen Brian, its a very simple computer and i don't have any such hi-fi application on it. All I do is that i go to the Internet and check my mails.
(Agent Brian realised that cust is dumb beyond his imagination)
Agent Brian-Mr Brown, Do you see a big blue "e" icon on your computer.
Customer-Yesss, yes I do... (so much excited that as if he has found Osama bin laden on his computer)
Agent Brian-Mr Brown, that big blue "e" icon is called Internet explorer & now could you please double click on that.
Customer-Ohhhkkk.... Thank you do much for telling that (acknowledging in such a tone that
if he been told the secret of getting his young days back) and i've just double click on this (cust excitement is increasing) and heyyy i see Internet on my computer and it has got me my home page. I can check my mails (Now excitement has reached at its peak)
Agent Brian-Oh, Thats great Mr Brown, I'm glad I could help you in connecting to the Internet.
Customer-Brian, You are awesome man. I was trying to connect since last week and you got me fixed in just 2 min. Amazing, you gotta tell me that how did you do all this.
Agent Brian-Nothing Mr Brown, everything was already there on the comp, I just guided you in connecting to the Internet.
Customer-No, you've really done something and you are just trying to be humble. Please tell me Brian how did you do all this.
(Agent Brian realised that oldie won't understand & its time to give him some hi-fi funda)
Agent Brian-Well Mr Brown, actually i rectified your connection from my end by checking few circuits.
Customer-Brian, you are not only awesome, you are also a Genius. You rectified everything from your end. That's Great. Only a genius can do that and that too in 2 minutes. I appreciate that and now I want to talk to your manager to appreciate you.
Agent Brian-Thank you so much Mr Brown and I'll just call my Manager to talk to you. Please be on hold.
(And the call ended with Mr Brown appreciating Brian to his supervisor and an applause from everyone on the floor)

These are some of those calls which make you laugh and also brings a smile on your face when you think about them. There are many more.... May be next time.......