Comedy of Calls

In my last blog i mentioned that i've left HCL & Convergys. Both were awesome place to work and i've got some really good memories of both the places & some bad ones also but there are few instances which always leave a smile on my face when i think about them. These were usually the calls i took. In HCL i was in billing process & in Convergys i used to do troubleshooting on Dial up Internet services. The good thing about HCL was that we didn't have to use the alias name as we used to cater Britishers there and Britishers are more friendly compared to Americans who usually are little racist (some are exceptionally good and some really gets excited when they get to know that you are from the country on which Slumdog Millionaire has been made.... I still wonder why?????). As a result we had to speak to those not so smart dial up customers in a weird accent which even used to confuse me & I can understand what Americans must be going through when we try to copy their accent. It was very unlike HCL where we used to speak English in our Indian accent and they never had difficulty in understanding us. Now talking about calls some of them used to be very hilarious especially in convergys where I was doing troubleshooting on dial up Internet and Americans used to think that every problem they have with their computer is because of slow dial up and it used to be very difficult & immensely painful to make them understand that dial up is just for Internet and has nothing to do with the other functions of computer

Now before I gave you the the full conversation of one of the call, I'll tell you how a dialer works.
First we create a dial up network on the computer by providing access number, user-name & password and then just asks the customer to dial it. It dials the access number and then gives you a message that "Dial up is connected". Now the call of Agent Brian who used to be one of the smartest bloke on the floor & a very dear friend of mine.
Agent Brian-Thank you for choosing AT&T Internet services. My name is Brian & may I have the tel no you are calling about.
Customer(very Irate & in a heavy voice)- Just cut that crap Brian and listen to me very carefully. I am not talking about my telephone line and why is it that every time I call you people, you ask about my telephone number. What does it has to do with my fucking slow Dial up Internet which i've been using since last 5 years and its been a week i'm unable to connect to the Internet.
(Idiot don't even know that dial up is connected via his tel line)
Agent Brian-I'm very sorry for the inconvenience caused regarding your dial up but sir your dial up is connected through your tel line and in order to pull up your account I need your tel no.
Customer-yeaaahhh... Just take anything what you want but get my comp fixed & the no is 654123789 and one more thing-My name is Charles Brown not Sir
Agent Brian-Thank you so much Mr Brown. Now could you tell me what is the exact error message you are getting and did you made any changes in the the last week or before that.
Customer- No I didn't made any changes & neither am I getting any error message. However my son visited me last week and used something called wireless card to connect to the Internet and after that this dial up has been a big pain in the butt to connect to the Internet.
(Agent Brian realised that his smart son has removed the dial up as the default connection and left this irritating dumb oldie to screw our lives)
Agent Brian- Ohh.. Mr Brown that's not a problem at all and I see no reason that why you cannot connect to the Internet and could you tell me that when double click on the dial up connection and click dial what message does it gives you.
Customer- I've forgot that.. Let me do it right now. Its trying to dial the number and giving some screeching noise like ti ti ti ti tuu tuu tuu tuu and now its says that dial up is connected but I still can't see the Internet.
Agent Brian-Mr Brown, Could you please double click on Internet explorer on the computer.
Customer-Listen Brian, its a very simple computer and i don't have any such hi-fi application on it. All I do is that i go to the Internet and check my mails.
(Agent Brian realised that cust is dumb beyond his imagination)
Agent Brian-Mr Brown, Do you see a big blue "e" icon on your computer.
Customer-Yesss, yes I do... (so much excited that as if he has found Osama bin laden on his computer)
Agent Brian-Mr Brown, that big blue "e" icon is called Internet explorer & now could you please double click on that.
Customer-Ohhhkkk.... Thank you do much for telling that (acknowledging in such a tone that
if he been told the secret of getting his young days back) and i've just double click on this (cust excitement is increasing) and heyyy i see Internet on my computer and it has got me my home page. I can check my mails (Now excitement has reached at its peak)
Agent Brian-Oh, Thats great Mr Brown, I'm glad I could help you in connecting to the Internet.
Customer-Brian, You are awesome man. I was trying to connect since last week and you got me fixed in just 2 min. Amazing, you gotta tell me that how did you do all this.
Agent Brian-Nothing Mr Brown, everything was already there on the comp, I just guided you in connecting to the Internet.
Customer-No, you've really done something and you are just trying to be humble. Please tell me Brian how did you do all this.
(Agent Brian realised that oldie won't understand & its time to give him some hi-fi funda)
Agent Brian-Well Mr Brown, actually i rectified your connection from my end by checking few circuits.
Customer-Brian, you are not only awesome, you are also a Genius. You rectified everything from your end. That's Great. Only a genius can do that and that too in 2 minutes. I appreciate that and now I want to talk to your manager to appreciate you.
Agent Brian-Thank you so much Mr Brown and I'll just call my Manager to talk to you. Please be on hold.
(And the call ended with Mr Brown appreciating Brian to his supervisor and an applause from everyone on the floor)

These are some of those calls which make you laugh and also brings a smile on your face when you think about them. There are many more.... May be next time.......

"QUESTIONS OF LIFE????"

When you are growing you get different questions in different phases of life. Before you start your teen life, you come across questions as "In which class you are???" or the most common & stupid question one can ask a young child "What do you want to become in your life?" ... Few people will ask why this question is stupid, Its stupid because 9 out of 10 children will give you the most obvious reply - "DOCTOR" or "PILOT" & they will give you this answer with so much confidence & excitement that for a moment you'll think he is going to receive his degree tomorrow.

When you become a teenager, the level of questions becomes different and what makes them different and funny is the psyche of the person asking you that question. If it is asked by someone whose child has passed the class in which you are currently in, you can expect a volley of questions mixed with suggestions & sometimes also the answer itself. To take an example, the so called interview with such parents starts like this:
"Hmm, So you are in 9th class right now, how are you finding it.... before you can reply ki uncle, abhi to maine books par se dhool bhi nahi jhadi.... you'll get the reply also- "Its a very tough class, you need to study atleast 5 hrs a day"... Before you can come out of the sudden shock of 5 hrs, you'll get the suggestion also-"Don't take it lightly, this class is going to decide your future"... you constantly nod your head in the fear inducted in your mind by the stupid son of a gun & here comes the main point which was apparently the reason that this one-sided conversation was started in front of everyone present there "My Son is doing his engineering & the reason he could make into this elite engg college was that he took his studies very seriously from 9th class. He scored 85 % in 9th, 92% in 10th ... bla bla bla & everyone present there get to know all the achievements & unwanted data of his genius child". Now before all the mediocre children present there starts disappearing due to embarrasement, you'll get the final suggestion & the most unwanted offer "You must meet him, he'll give you tips on how to schedule your studies & also about the various books which you should study"..... apart from this frequent question which you'll hear in almost every family function or party, you'll get to hear some illogical & embarracing(in front of everyone) questions like "Ohh(looking at everyone else also waiting for their opinion as well), didn't someone told you that you look exactly like your father???" These jokes do irritate but you start thinking about all those naughty neighbour jokes which you can hit at that aunty(these questions are usually asked by the aunties) right now keeping her son in mind... Some flamboyant people will even ask you questions like "Do you have a girlfriend???"or height of stupidity could be "How many girlfriends do you have???" & these questions are asked in front of atleast 10-15 people(including your own family)... & when you have no option but to smile, they'll say "Ye to kitna sharmata hai"...

Now you have even crossed your teenage life & the interview becomes more gruesome.
Questions becomes more like a comment- "Why are you doing this course? It has got no scope".... "Why didn't you gave that exam??, my son cleared it & look now he is settled in life??"
.... "Why are you are working in a BPO??" & they make face as if you have given them the socks which you've been wearing continously for last 2 months.....

No matter how much idiotic, embarracing or even funny these questions are, but if you can tackle & succesfully answer all these questions, atleast you aren't tagged as a loser in our so called Society..

The Cabbie

Sleeping routine takes a little hit when you are working in a BPO & I know it for a fact coz since last 3 weeks I've been in 3 different shifts. Sometimes I don't even remember when I went to sleep & when I wake up. These days my shift starts at 8:30am but I've still got a hangover of 7:00 am shift so today also I woke up at 4:30am, called transport office & asked them about my pick up time- "Yours is last pick up so cab will come around 7:30am, cabbie will give you a call" someone from the transport informed me. There was plenty of time to catch on my worthless rest, so I again went to sleep & woke up at 6:45am. Then around 7:30am cab came, saw this cabbie first time, his name was Ali( saw his ID hanging at Cab's Rear Mirror). He was in a busy conversation with the rest of staff (2 guys & 1 girl). "Madam Ji, when a cabbie leaves his home every morning, he don't know if he'll come back or not" said The Cabbie. "Oh man, now the whole route I've to heard his boasting" I thought, but before the moment I would have asked him to play the FM or started laughing at his Film Dialogue, everyone else in the cab started chatting & it didn't took me long to figure out that some mishap has occurred. Today at around 3am in the morning, one of my office cab while coming to Delhi from Noida via toll Bridge, got crushed by a truck which was coming from opposite side. Toll Bridge has separate routes for both Delhi to Noida & Noida to Delhi, but that idiot truck driver decided to come to noida via noida to delhi route & that too with his truck's head lights off.... I still can't understand from where he took the U-turn, whatever may be the case, his foolishness resulted in the death of 3 people including cab driver & rest of the staff were also severely injured. Ali told me all this & also that he was coming behind that cab & he took the injured people to the hospital in the same cab in which we were traveling. While talking we reached Toll Bridge, Ali asked- "Should we go through this route?". The Girl in the cab asked him to go ahead without realizing the condition of a person who has just lost a friend at that bridge just a few hours ago. Almost every media channel was present there to sell their story and the cab driver who takes it as an insult to drive slower than 100km/hr on toll bridge was today driving at 30km/hr. We reached office, went to production floor with our trainer around 9:00am (Training period is the only time in BPO when you can enjoy & take the liberty to come late). Manager at production floor was shouting at all advisors to increase the productivity & also saying that the only way to do this is to take OWNERSHIP. The word Ownership reminded me of only one person- Ali, who first took all the injured people to the hospital, then came to do his duty & then sincerely followed staff's order to go via route where just few hours ago he has seen one of the worst day of his life.